SNL Recap

Tonight's cold open is a speech by President Obama (Jay Pharoh) about the sequester. In showing who the cuts would affect he brought on an air traffic controller (Cecily Strong) who explained now they have to watch a Doritos commercial on their screen before landing aircraft. Also "full body scanners are out, so please take a pick down the front of your pants and text us!" A border Patrol agent (Bill Hader) who explained now they have to let every 10th Mexican just run across the border. An Astronaut (Kate McKinnon) who explained now their space helmets no longer have glass, so now when they spacewalk they just have to hold their breath. The zookepper from the National Zoo (Jason Sudeikis) explained that now they will have to fire 3 of their monkeys and turn them loose on the street. "Good news is Ikea and Taco Bell have made very lucrative offers on some of the horses".  A USDA Inspector (Bobby Moynihan) then came on to remind the President that there will be fewer meat inspections and was quickly hussled off stage. The president also brought on some employees that will be permanently affected like an inner-city school teacher from Philadelphia (Aidy Bryant) who said "This is the greatest day of my entire life!"

Next an assortment of people that will be affected like sailors, police, construction workers and grants to Native Americans. (Taran Killam, Tim Robinson,Keenan Thompson and Fred Armisen) that coincidentally happened to resemble The Village People. Funny.

Tonight's host: Kevin Hart

Kevin's monologue was predictably hilarious. He explained the evolution of homeless tactics to steal your sandwich and went on to explain he didn't harbor any ill will from being turned down for an opening at SNL.

The night's first skit was The Steve Harvey Show. The subject as phobias, or pho-bi-as as Steve (Thompson) pronounced it. He welcomed guest Dennis Rains (Hart) to the show to talk about his fear of horses. Then psychologist Leslie Stiffle (Nasim Pedrad) came on to help by bringing a stuffed horse. Suddenly Steve had a fear of horses.

The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer (Sudeikis) was next. They went to the Vatican where reporter Erin Carbonal (Strong) reported white smoke and introduced new the Pope, 9 year old Oscar nominee Quvenzhane Wallis (Hart). Blitzer said, "Wow, don't think anyone saw this coming!"

A fake Starbucks commercial for their home brewing system that confuses your name and order just like the real Starbucks.

A Barnes and Nobles crew meeting featuring Bobby Moynihan and Cecily Strong as two employees going off on fellow crewmembers. This is a recycled bit and it's still really funny. Hart unexplicably lost it and went full Harvey Korman when he had to fire Carl (Tim Robinson).

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis performed Thrift Shop.

Weekend Update welcomed Dennis Rodman (Pharoh) and Kim Jong-un (Moynihan) to talk about Rodman's trip to North Korea. Kim explained how they are best buds now. "He like Mark Walberg. I like bear from Ted!"

The proposed repeal of the Voting Rights Act triggered a "Really!?!" comeback with Kevin Hart sitting in alongside Seth Meyers. The SCOTUS thinks racism is over, really?? Hart listed several southern states he wouldn't go outside in after dark. "And to be honest I'd stay inside if it's really cloudy in Mississippi! Really!!"

A parody of The Walking Dead was up next with Rick (Killam), Carl (Pedrad), Daryl (Hader) and Maggie (McKinnon) running into a stranger, Lyle (Hart). After determining he hadn't been biten, the group huddles to make a decision on accepting into the group and a "Walker" sneaks up and bites the Lyle. They decide to accept him but tell him if he's ever bitten they won't hesitate to kill him. Lyle then begins to deflect all the observations that he's turning into a zombie into racist attacks even when he eats Maggie. Funny. I predict a recurrence of this bit. Pedrad as Carl was brilliant.

A parody of Shark Tank with self made millionares Kevin O'Leary (Sudeikis), Barbara Corcoran (McKinnon), Daymond John (Thompson) and Mark Cuban (Hader). First contestant Bryan McShay (Hart) pitched a company called We Put Sunglasses on Lamps-Crafters for those people who's lightbulbs are too bright. Unfortunately, the writing wasn't too bright in this case.

A fake commercial for the new "Z"-Shirt with Hart and Robinson as pumped up hip spokespersons. It quickly got drawn out as Hart started going thru the alphabet in order. "Is it an A-Shirt? Is it a B-Shirt?..." His partner walks off the set somewhere around L-Shirt or M-Shirt. They should have bailed on this skit at B-Shirt.

A voiceover audition in the recording studio pitted 2 people reading the same feminine copy for a Dove Chocolates commercial, a black man (Hart) with a loud urban voice and a white woman (Bayer) with a soft and flowery voice. They went with the black man.

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis performed Can't Hold Us for their encore.

The next skit was at a funeral as mourners got up to speak. The first speaker was interrupted by a man that turned out to be his partner from the Z-Shirt commercial who picked up where he left off. "Is it a W-Shirt?"

The night's final skit was 360 News with Hal Sumner (Hart). They give you the news from every angle (with quick camera changes). Unfortunately Hal was rearended on the way to work and had to wear a neck brace. That made those quick camera swaps rough. Taking the brace off didn't help.

Overall this episode was lacking. Hart had constant problems with his lines (probably why SNL didn't hire him as a castmember) and the writing was flat. Let's hope things will be much different next week when Justin Timberlake hosts. The best I can give this show is a very generous B-.