The stars at night are big and bright...

The stars at night are big and bright...
The stars at night are big and bright...

Sunday, June 28, 2009

BREAKING NEWS: "Infomercial King" Billy Mays Found Dead

Authorities say Mays was pronounced dead this morning after being found by his wife at their Tampa, Florida home. There were no signs of a break-in, and investigators do not suspect foul play. The coroner's office expects to have an autopsy done by Monday afternoon.

Yesterday, Mays was aboard US Airways Flight 1241 flying from Philadelphia, which landed roughly when the front tire blew out as it touched down. After the flight, Billy told FOX 13 in Tampa that something struck him in the head -- here's Billy's actual quote: "All of a sudden as we hit you know it was just the hardest hit, all the things from the ceiling started dropping. It hit me on the head, but I got a hard head."

Reports are Mays was not wearing his seatbelt.

I was never a fan of his commercials, but he was very good at what he did. I did become a fan of the Discovery Channel show Pitchmen with Billy and Anthony Sullivan. You got to see Billy working with his son and showing him the ropes of commercial production.

Oddly, this was one of those commercials.

Friday, June 26, 2009

My New Favorite Ripoff Of Mythbusters

Submitted for your approval.

Man vs Cartoon

This show has greatness written all over it. I really like the fact it's based out of New Mexico Tech. And honestly, who hasn't wanted to be Wyle E Coyote just for kicks? Beep, beep my ass!

You'll find Man vs Cartoon hidden away on truTV.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Another Sleepless Night: Or How I Learned To Quit Worrying And Love The Pumpjack

Just another peaceful night on The South 40. NOT!

I tried to go to bed around midnight, which is very early for me, but I knew I had to be up early today to deliver groceries to Senior Citizens. POW.... wait for it...POW....POW.... wait for it...POW!

It was to the point I decided to hunt down the offending source and take actions into my own hands. I was thinking more than a sternly worded letter, if you know what I mean. This has been going on for several days. That's plenty of time to get this fixed!

I drove over to where I thought the noise was coming from, a pumping station about a mile away. I soon learned this was not the culprit. Everything was running smoothly and I could not hear the noise at all. I then drove the "block" on both sides of my place and still no sign whatsoever. But as soon as I pulled back in my driveway I once again heard the gunshot like sounds.

Whatever the source is, it is well hidden. I'm beginning to think it IS an old pumpjack on some small operator's lease hidden back in the woods.

Regardless of the source, it kept me up all freakin' night! I turned up the TV loud enough to cover the sound, but then the TV was too loud for me to go to sleep. I even took a sleeping pill around 3am. At 5am I'm still wide awake and decided it's too late to take another or I'd never wake up in time for work (or walk around in a daze all day at work).

So today should be interesting. 100 degree heat + deliveries + not sleeping a wink in over 24 hours = fun, fun, fun....

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Thank God I'm a Country Boy?

Life on the farm is kinda laid back. Ain't much an old Country Boy like me cain't hack. Except an old backfiring pumpjack at 3AM.

I remember being a small boy going to sleep in my Granddad's bed listening to 2 pumpjacks in the distance running out of rhythm. It was a fond memory. Last night I realised just how much time had blurred the actual event. They didn't rock me to sleep, they were annoying as hell!

Last night when I got home as soon as I stepped out of the truck I heard gunfire. No big deal. I live in the country and people shoot guns. A few seconds later I hear another gunshot. Hmm, poor aim. I live in the country and this stuff happens. Before I get in the house I hear another. I assume it's a group of guys drinkin beer and target shooting. Again, I live in the country. This stuff happens.

3 hours later I'm still hearing this random gunfire near me. I know they should have run out of beer and ammo by now or NCIS is filming a redneck edition. There's been no signs of Cote dePalo on my StalkerVision® celebrity radar, so I'm pretty sure it's not a location shoot.

When I woke up this morning, the noise was gone and I didn't think anything more about it. But, when I got home from work tonight it sounded like the Duke Boys was a takin' on Boss Hogg, Roscoe and Enos. Since I didn't hear any big blocks revving or air horns playin' Dixie I'm pretty sure that wasn't the case, either.

A long time ago almost all pumpjacks were converted over to electric motors. The old natural gas engines have gone the way of the rotary dial phone. Technology has made them obsolete. It's NOT a backfiring pumpjack. So what the hell is making this noise?

There is a pumping station about a mile away from me that feeds a couple of pipelines that run thru my place. But if that is what's making the noise and it's this loud here... What is making the noise?

Do I need to be worried? Is this a sign?

I'm cancelling that trip to Viking...

Friday, June 19, 2009

Hang In There

New stuff coming. I just need to confirm my reservation at Viking Resort...
The Triple Lindy is extra?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I've Got Itchy Feet

First off let me be very clear. I don't have Athlete's Foot. There is no fungus among us. What I'm referring to is I've been in 1 place for too long.

I drove trucks cross country for years before I finally burned out on the constant travel. But, like an alcoholic, I still crave it from time to time. This is one of those times.

I've been semi-planning a trip to Belize for a couple of years, but those kind of tropical destinations are wasted without a companion to share the experience with. As has been duly noted time and again, I am severely lacking in that department. It's also not much of a first date kinda thing either.

What's a middle aged single guy to do?

So while searching the net for all-inclusive Caribbean travel deals, I stumbled across Viking Resort. YOWZA! Talk about your "all-inclusive" vacation! That's not exactly what I had in mind. I was thinking more along the lines of airfare, room, meals and drinks. They take it a (ginormous) step further.

Why don't I just cruise Craigslist and take the Ho d'jour? It would be cheaper and the number of STD's would be right on par. Itchy feet would be the least of my worries.

Who goes to a place like that? (I really, realllly don't want to think about that.)

Monday, June 15, 2009

Ripped From The Headlines

I don't often copy straight from newspapers. I prefer to astound you with my own wit and wisdom. But, this is a gem. I couldn't have said it better myself.

From The San Jose Mercury News.

In this age of out-of-control political correctness, it never ceases to amaze me how thin our skins have become. Can anyone around here take a joke anymore?

I’m referring to the latest — and utterly ridiculous — furor being made over the comments David Letterman made last week about Sarah Palin’s daughter.

Palin, of course, went ballistic. And then so too did her devoted followers. And now comes word that a Website called is organizing a rally outside Letterman’s show at the Ed Sullivan theater on Tuesday. They want the acerbic host gone.

Give me a break.

Leading the torch-bearing mob is New York State Assemblyman Brian Kolb (R), who clearly has too much time on his hands. He’s a co-sponsor of the site, which features a list of major advertisers and CBS bigwigs, to whom people can complain.

“Firing Mr. Letterman would send a clear message that CBS will not tolerate any of its employees, even an established media figure like Mr. Letterman, making demeaning and degrading comments about women,” Kolb wrote in a letter to CBS chief Les Moonves.

I’ve never been a huge fan of Letterman, and as a parent, I agree with detractors who believe his remarks were rather tasteless. They did not make me laugh. I also side with critic Ken Tucker, who says Letterman (who has already apologized) needs to “clam up” and move on.

But so does everyone else. Letterman, after all, was JOKING. And he was joking in a late-night monologue — a venue where barbs and gags often get a little edgy and occasionally dip below the belt. Can we all just lighten up a bit?

Granted, the chances that Letterman will be fired are probably pretty slim. Still, it should bother us all that a small group of overly agitated, politically-minded people can stir up this much of a ruckus over a couple of lines in a monologue.

Somewhere in all of this, I sense there’s another joke — and it is on us.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

If I Wanted To Live In Houston...

I'd move to Houston!

According to my PDA the temperature was 90 @ 9pm. The humidity level was something resembling a John Goodman on a treadmill.

I'm just sayin'...

Friday, June 12, 2009

PJTP Vol.6

  • Oh my aching back! It's been killing me off and on for the last 2 weeks. (Damn you, D.B. Norton Troopers!)

  • I always wonder if people will get the obscure film references I throw out. Dennis Miller referred to himself as the king of the obscure reference. I must be the crowned prince.

  • I think Weeds may have jumped the shark this season. Mary-Louise Parker is still hot, but the storyline is degrading muy rapido.

  • Will Ferrell's new movie "Land of the Lost" tanked at the box office. His comedy is just like Ricky Bobby. If it ain't first, it's last.

  • The storm blew down a couple trees in my yard the other day. Oddly, they fell into the wind, not away from it. I should call Mythbusters.

  • I know a woman that works 2 jobs and rarely has a day off, her husband does not work, treats her like crap and spends money like crazy. I don't get it.

  • The power cable for my new video card finally arrived. The Radeon HD 4770 kicks serious ass.

  • I saw a report where debit card sales have finally surpassed credit card sales. Really? I would have thought that happened a long time ago.

  • I thought Stephen Colbert's week of shows from Baghdad was great. I loved his homage to Bob Hope. Some people were upset that Obama did a video cameo. They had no complaints about Bush Sr, Clinton or Bush Jr (and a buttload of other politicians) doing the same thing later in the week. I think they failed (or didn't want) to understand it was for the USO and not pandering for political support.

  • I heard a commercial for condos bragging they were within walking distance of Cowboys Stadium and The Ballpark in Arlington. I think living there would get real old, real fast.

  • The Best of Wise ballots are in The Messenger this week. I'm starting a campaign at work to get my boss voted "Best Boss". He deserves it.

  • I'll cook up something for a regular post soon.

Monday, June 8, 2009

TMS IRL Weekend '09: The Quest For Danica

Previously, on The South 40...

I let it slip that I had a hot date with a certain Cute Little Racegirl, Danica Patrick. Yes, she's married but I am a man of questionable morals. The fact that Danica has not returned any of my voicemail, letters, emails or FedEx messages is understandable. She's has to maintain appearances and keep it on the downlow or hubby might find out about our forbidden romance.

When I get to TMS I discretely slip away and prepare for our clandestine tryst. I searched thru the crowd, but no luck. I tried to check the Speedway Club but my name was not on the guest list. I guess you were so busy before the race you didn't have a chance to get my name submitted in time.

So, I went looking thru the crowd...

You're not Danica!

She must be waiting inside...

I kept searching...

You're not Danica!!!

I was beginning to become depressed. I was starting to think that we may miss each other when suddenly a black SUV came barrelling thru the crowd surrounded by a Halo flight of FWPD and D.B. Norton Troopers. I knew it must be you trying to reach me. I began to fight my way thru the crowd so we could hook up before you had to hit the track. I wanted to wish you luck if you know what I mean and I think you do.

The SUV came screeching to a stop just 15-20 yards away. I almost had your attention. I was calling your name pushing towards you, but suddenly I was on the ground and the security would'nt stop clubbing my kidneys with their nightsticks long enough for me to catch my breath.

I'm sure it was just some mixup with paperwork. These things happen and I forgive you. I'm sure we will get together after the race and celebrate in Victory Lane.

Here I am!!! Good luck!!!

The race was flat out and full throttle. She ran a good race but her car was not the fastest on the track. It didn't help that her "Teammate" Marco Andretti kept pressuring her for position then bad mouthed her after the race for running hard.

She had a few fiery words for him on the radio. I like a woman with spunk.

Sadly, Marco got passed her and took away a Top 5 finish.

I tried to reach you so I could console you after suffering such a difficult finish, but the D. B. Norton Troopers spotted me and I barely escaped with my life was politely asked to leave before they ruptured my jejunum.

Fret not my love, I will not let this minor misunderstanding get in the way of our true destiny. I'm sure the internal injuries will be completely healed in time for next year's race.

Until then...

Saturday, June 6, 2009

What Do You Call A Nurse With A Bad Back? Greatness!

I've never been a fan of Edie Falco. Wait, let me correct that. I've never been a fan of the characters Edie Falco plays. Carmella Soprano irritated the heck out of me and pretty much typecast her in my book.

I need to get a new book because I was completely wrong.

The much hyped new Showtime original series Nurse Jackie premiers this Sunday night. But if you are a DirecTv customer you got a sneak preview this week on The101. I was stunned after watching. It was smart, it was funny and because it's on Showtime it pulls no punches.

Without giving any spoilers, Nurse Jackie jumps right onto the ragged edge with the very first episode. It is dark, very dark humor that I haven't seen since Six Feet Under. But where SFU was subtle and low keyed, Nurse Jackie is up front and in your face.

This show is very, very good. It's the best new show I've seen in years. If the writing holds up Jackie Peyton will make Carmella Soprano an afterthought when describing Edie Falco's career.

Sunday Monday nights on Showtime. DVR worthy.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I Finally Have a Date!

OK, so being one of 150,000 people that have tickets to the race may not technically be a date in your book, but I'm not letting that stand in the way of a good fantasy.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Run Fatboy Run!

Man, what a week. I threw my back out Thursday. You know how it is when your a World Class lover, you have to maintain top physical conditioning or these things can happen when you perform the forbidden Bangkok Spleen Bender maneuver.

OK, there's zero chance of blaming it on that. Sadly, this was just a case of waking up and not being able to move. WTF? It just made the rest of the week that much tougher to get thru. But by God I made it! Now I have a relatively easy week ahead.

2 off, 2 on, 4 off! I also have 2 days of racing thrown in there. The NASCAR Truck Series comes to TMS on Friday and IRL on Saturday. I've never seen an IRL race so this could be interesting.

So right now I'm just kicking back enjoying a few cervezas with a muscle relaxer chaser and wondering how the rest of the WC is enjoying their Monday at work.