Thursday, November 20, 2014

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Channeling my inner Peter Griffin

So my washer and dryer are in the hall by my back door. For some reason I left the dryer door (which opens vertically) open after unloading it. So when I run to get my phone out of the car last night and skipped turning on the Laundry Room light because it's only like 3 steps and I have the path memorized, plus the motion light was going to kick on as soon as I opened the door to the garage. I got this shit covered... when this happened.
Shin bone meet dryer door.


Monday, November 17, 2014

Is this rocket science? Because I don't think it's rocket science.

I went to the local VA clinic today for blood work. They've installed a new touchscreen check-in kiosk that everyone has to use to check in. As I stood there watching everyone hacking and coughing (politely covering their mouth) then using the streaked up touchscreen, it dawns on me this might not be the most sanitary surface on the planet. At least Brookshire's puts hand wipes next to the shopping carts and they're assuming most of their customers aren't sick.

When I'm called in the nurse is chatting with me and I bring up the idea of putting hand sanitizer next to the kiosk. She tells me there is a hand cleaning station next to the front door. The check in kiosk is not by the front door, it's on the opposite end of the room. People are not going to run across the room to clean their hands after touching it, especially old people that don't get around well (there's tons of old people at the VA). I mention this to her.

Nurse: There is a hand cleaning station by the front door.

Me: But there should be one next to the touchscreen.

Her: It's by the front door. (Blank stare.)

I shut up before I piss her off any more as she's about to go poking around my veins with a needle and I'm really not into that even when I haven't pissed off the person with the needle. On my way out I stop to use the hand sanitizer by the front door (way too late because if there was anything on the screen I've got it good by now) and it won't work because the battery is dead.

This is definitely a government operation.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Reinventing the $5 Bill

Sorry Burger King. Your ad campaign has been trumped. 
That's what you get for going Canadian.
Pay your taxes, hosers!

Monday, November 10, 2014

Dear Senator Ted Cruz

 The Oatmeal has a message for you about your tweets on Net Neutrality:

Funny and spot on!

The South 40 Crossfit Workout


The little utilized and highly underrated reverse rabbit hop and slide technique.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Andy & Barney were lawmen. This guy is not.


Asked if he would have handled the matter the same way again, Deputy Glans said he would, but not if he knew it was being filmed. He acknowledged that he did not know the incident was being videotaped.
Just another bully with a badge. Sgt. Shawn R. Glans, 48, who has been a police officer for 27 years, was suspended without pay pending an internal investigation. Glans is also responsible for a 1999 head-on collision driving close to three times the posted speed limit around a sharp curve when he lost control of his vehicle. Glans crossed into the oncoming lane and smashed head-on into Douglas McEachron's car.

McEachron suffered critical brain injuries and was paralyzed. A federal jury found Glans was negligent in the crash. McEachron received a $6M settlement.