Retro Vision

How long does it take for a pair of glasses to wear out? A lot longer than it did when I was a kid. About 15 years longer to be exact.

My old specs are finally fubar. I've had several pair since these, but I always reverted back to this old pair because I could see better out of them. With the newer pairs I had trouble seeing close up and reading, which I do a lot of at work. I know what the problem is, I need bifocals. But only old people wear bifocals and damnit I'm not old!

OK, I'm old... You happy now?

The other problem with bifocals is they are freaking ex-pen-sive! The last time I had my eyes examined they tried to talk me into a pair of lineless bifocals and the lenses alone were over $350. Uh, sorry. Give me the cheap bastard price set of single vision lenses and these frames from the markdown closeout bin. No special coating, no tinting and no underbody rustproofing. Did I mention I have a coupon?

The pair I'm wearing now is of the above mentioned quality and they are scratched allll to hell. It's like walking around with "I just woke up in a Vegas hotel room after a bachelor party" vision. I tried using some stuff I saw on an infomercial called Liquid Lense. It worked about as well as you would expect. It might be fine for fixing a scratched headlight or windshield, but it is an epic fail for eyewear.

I've got one other pair that is actually high quality, but they really strain my eyes and I definitely can't read anything wearing them. Before you try suggesting contacts, been there done that and almost lost an eye trying. I developed an ulcer and got a severe infection on my left eye. The ophthalmologist that treated me told me never to try contacts again and for once I'm listening to what someone tells me to do.

I almost had laser surgery in 2001, but the $3500 pricetag and the thought of a laser beam frying my eyeballs made me chicken out. Now, I thinking that was one of my Top 10 bonehead moves.