The stars at night are big and bright...

The stars at night are big and bright...
The stars at night are big and bright...

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Creeping Enemy

Let's be perfectly clear, that is not MY arm.

I was sitting at the computer reading the news and enjoying a frosty cold Bud Light the other night when I see the biggest freaking stinging scorpion in my life crawling up the wall behind my monitor. That's no bueno.

I quickly grabbed a pair of pliers and screwdriver to pin him down (everybody has those laying around in their computer room, right?), then struck down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger and left him in an unmarked grave. While I completely dominated the battle, he may have won the war on terror. Where you find one, there's 10 more you didn't. Normally, I walk around the house barefoot. Now I'm sporting my steel toed Red Wings 24/7 and contemplating getting an NBC suit.

Not one of these...

One of these:

Yeah, it looks kinda weird when I go to bed, but I've seen The Arrival.

I also had one crawl up my pants leg once while reading a book. I felt a little tickle near my man zone and did what guys do, I scratched. I got a completely different response than what I was expecting. Before I could shed my pants the little essobe stung me 13 times (and I was shucking my britches pretty damned fast) and it was WAY too close to the last place you'd ever want to be stung.

Needless to say, I've been a bit paranoid about them since then.


an Donalbane said...

¡Ay carumba!.

Somehow, I've managed to avoid unintentional exposure to those things for a half-century.

Wonder if they explode like that mosquito, if the stingee has been drinking Bloody Marys with Tabasco?

Kasie said...

I hate scorpians!! We have them in our house too. We usaully find them in the floor, but about a month ago I was laying in bed and I felt something crawling on my arm and looked using the glare from our TV and it was a damn scorpian!! I have never moved so fast in my life. I din't know how it didn't sting me but I jumped about 5 feet out of bed and slung him on the floor where I then beat him with a shoe. They are always worst when it rains for some reason. Watch out, they like getting in laundry lying on the floor too.