More Christmas Awkwardness

My first Christmas as a married man was, to say the least, interesting. It's always uncomfortable being the odd man out on traditional family celebrations you've never participated in. Such was the case when I had my first Christmas dinner with Ex-Uno's grandparents.

They were likeable enough, extending open arms to a new family member. Pleasantries were exchanged and I was on my best misbehavior in front of "Nanna" and "PawPaw". We menfolk watched football in the living room while the women scurried away in the kitchen preparing our meal. The dinner was absolutely fabulous. Ten out of ten! You just can't beat a Granny's feast.

It was in the middle of this outstanding dinner when, and Ticket fans will get this, the Emergency Brake was pulled.

PawPaw rang his glass with a knife to get everyone's attention. He wanted to let me know how much he approved of our wedlock and wanted to show it to one and all. As my Christmas present he gave me his champion fighting cock and would back me in the next fight.

(Insert extremely long and uncomfortable yank of the Emergency Brake here.)

I had 2 options. I could feign gratitude and look for a way out later or I could man up and nip it in the bud. Monty, I choose Door #2.

Thanks, but no thanks. You're extremely kind, but I can't accept your gift.

Using my best diplomatic skills, I tried to dance out of it by saying I couldn't raise a chicken (yeah, right). The offerings of assistance (and how dumb can you be not to raise a chicken) became so overwhelming I finally had to convey my true feelings of "no offense, but I don't believe in bloodsport".

(Insert second yank of the Emergency Brake here.)

I immediately went to the top of PawPaw and the entire clan's list.

Seriously, how else do you tell someone you think a deathsport animal is not an appropriate Christmas present? Gosh, I really wanted Giant Panda steaks instead?