The stars at night are big and bright...

The stars at night are big and bright...
The stars at night are big and bright...

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

How NOT To Extend Your Lifespan or Tales From The Farmside

I drove home from work a few nights ago and because it was so freaking cold I did the whole open/close the gate thing as quick as I could and my best NASCAR short track qualifying impersonation up the driveway. It was pitch dark when I got to the house and temporarily I can't use the circle drive so I have to back into my parking spot.

I was focused on getting my butt inside before it froze off because the wind was howling. I backed in and parked my 4 door Dodge Ram then hopped out and opened the back door to unload some groceries. This is where it

all

went

horribly  

wrong...

As I gathered my few sacks of chow out of the back seat,  I felt a sudden powerful punch to my kidneys. The blow caught me completely off guard and shoved me belly down into the seat. I thought this might be the final showdown. But with who was attacking me way out in the middle of The South 40? Me and Brick Top are square!

I went into full survival mode and used whatever I had available as a weapon.

I rebounded back with a rebel yell, right elbow and left haymaker complete with a sack full of canned goods as a chaser, but connected with nothing, Then as I spun around looking in the dim porch light I finally got a glimpse at my attacker, a hungry black angus heifer that had been hiding from the cold wind behind the house and snuck up behind me thinking I was going to feed her.

Her name is now RibEye and she's going to taste extra sweet next 4th of July.

2 comments:

Obi said...

LMAO....Ohhhhhh, myyyyy....

Noevadeaux said...

We have a steer we call Brisket. We feed him beer soaked corn every weekend. He's gonna be going to H&W in late February/early March. Mmmmmm, Brisket.