The stars at night are big and bright...

The stars at night are big and bright...
The stars at night are big and bright...

Friday, October 3, 2014

From the Absolutely 100% Can't Make This Stuff Up True Dept

Shocked medical staff in a clinic in the central Colombian town of Honda have discovered a potato growing inside a patient’s vagina, local media reported on Wednesday.

The bizarre phenomenon was discovered when doctors attended a 22-year-old woman complaining of abdominal pains this week.

The embarrassed young woman explained that she had been advised by her mother to insert a potato into her vagina as a means of avoiding unwanted pregnancy.

“My mom told me that if I didn’t want to get pregnant, I should put a potato up there, and I believed her.” the unnamed patient was quoted as saying by local news website HSB Noticias.

After leaving the potato in place for around 2 weeks she began to experience intense pain in her lower abdomen. The potato had germinated, and grown roots inside the lady’s private parts.

When the nurse went to examine the patient, she originally thought she had been the target of a practical joke, as she found roots emerging from the young woman´s vagina.

The offending root vegetable was removed without need for surgery, and there should be no lasting physical effects on the young woman.

Carolina Rojas, the attending nurse, pointed the finger of blame at the woman´s mother for giving her daughter such bad advice in terms of contraception methods available.


I can't make that stuff up. However I can make this stuff up. Alternate titles that were not used and are totally non judgemental or offensive:

Birth Control by Whore-Ida.

Fertile Myrtle

The Dictater

If it fails do we get tater tots?

One potato, two potato, three potato, whore...

Mr Potato Head's Great Adventure

Scattered, Smothered and Covered

and finally... You want fries with that?


The Donald said...

Thank you for leaving room for a couple of late entries, to wit:

• Was she trying to make vajayssoise?

• That must have been one stud spud - or is it spud stud?

• She did the tuber snake boogie. - DF Dusty Hill

• Was she preparing gash browns?

• You want some Monistat with that batch of Monopolowa...?

The Donald said...

...and...Once she perfected her Kegel exercises, she was able to propel a spud clear across the room!

The Donald said...

Dang, this is addictive:

• Her friends called her Latke Lady...

• ...not that she was really one of the greatest...Lay's.

• Introducing...the fingerling IUD!

Alright, I'll stop now. I think.

The Donald said...

I swear this is the last...

• When interviewed by the village newspaper, El Doctor Teodoro Geisel said "Dios Mio, I swear I did not tell the chica to 'keep your eggs pristine with yams'."

• Next, on KERA, watch as Texas gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott argues for potato protection, countered by Wendy Davis supporting women's right to mashed potatoes.

• As the vegetable was removed from its comfortable abode, it bade the lovely señorita a fond fareware with a serenade - I Only Have Eyes for You.