Sterling Archer Draper Pryce

Take visuals from Mad Men and mix them with lines from Archer.

Whaddya get? Greatness.

Sterling Archer Draper Pryce

I got those "Up at 4:30, my tummy's upset and there's a demon crawling through my jejunum" Blues.

Kinda blew it all on the title, but you get the idea. This is what I get for hitting up a sketchy place for dinner on the run. The one up side of being awake in the middle of the night is the quality entertainment. Make Room for Daddy, Petticoat Junction, Wanted Dead or Alive. Almost makes it worthwhile.

Wait.... No, no it doesn't....

Kliff Kingsbury's swagger found to be lacking substance

Texas Tech head coach Kliff Kingsbury has tried extremely hard to craft an image for himself as the swaggy, hip coach. Sometimes it's not that hard to do, I mean this is Lubbock we're talking about. But just because you can fool the yokels in Hub City, don't go getting the big head.

Example: Kingsbury was spotted at Big 12 Media Day sporting a very tasty Breitling Mulliner Tourbillon that retails for around $100,000. Slight problem, upon not so closer examination it turns out to clearly be a $100 knockoff. Swagger fail.

This is a classic example of style before substance. Yes, Kliff wants to be the James Bond of the Big 12. But actually achieving that is hard and extremely difficult to budget if you don't have an endorsement deal, especially on a Texas Tech Head Coach's salary. So you turn to eBay for a cheap way around the problem. Just remember the internets is a two way street and full of actual watch guys that absolutely have nothing better to do than sniff out posers then take great joy in pointing it out when they do.

The whole ugly story on Deadspin. Guns up, Lil' Buddy. Guns, up.

James Garner 1928 - 2014

#Apollo45

The Gunfighter

'merica

State Trooper's attitude suddenly changes when he learns he's on camera

SPRINGFIELD, Ill., June 30 (UPI) --A truck driver allegedly saw an Illinois state trooper speeding on the highway while talking on his cellphone, so he decided to honk his horn in order to show his disapproval.
After his judgmental toot, the trooper pulled Brian Miner over and threatened to give him a ticket for unlawful use of a horn.

Miner taped the entire encounter and posted the clip on YouTube.

The officer is aggressive at first, but he changes his tune after Miner informs him that their exchange is being recorded.

The trooper eventually apologizes to Miner and declines to give him a ticket.

"And that's what happens when they know you're recording," Miner says near the end of the clip.

Kiwi Female Jackass Fail

Hang in there for the full video. Totally worth it.

ACLU Takes on Police Militarization.

Interesting read from The Washington Post:

The American Civil Liberties Union has released the results of its year-long study of police militarization. The study looked at 800 deployments of SWAT teams among 20 local, state and federal police agencies in 2011-2012. Among the notable findings:

62 percent of the SWAT raids surveyed were to conduct searches for drugs.

Just under 80 percent were to serve a search warrant, meaning eight in 10 SWAT raids were not initiated to apprehend a school shooter, hostage taker, or escaped felon (the common justification for these tactics), but to investigate someone still only suspected of committing a crime.

In fact, just 7 percent of SWAT raids were “for hostage, barricade, or active shooter scenarios.”

In at least 36 percent of the SWAT raids studies, no contraband of any kind was found. The report notes that due to incomplete police reports on these raids this figure could be as high as 65 percent.

SWAT tactics are disproportionately used on people of color.

65 percent of SWAT deployments resulted in some sort of forced entry into a private home, by way of a battering ram, boot, or some sort of explosive device. In over half those raids, the police failed to find any sort of weapon, the presence of which was cited as the reason for the violent tactics.

Ironically (or perhaps not), searches to serve warrants on people suspected of drug crimes were more likely to result in forced entry than raids conducted for other purposes.

Though often justified for rare incidents like school shootings or terrorist situations, the armored personnel vehicles police departments are getting from the Pentagon and through grants from the Department of Homeland Security are commonly used on drug raids.

Read it all here.

Summertime Blues

Clayton Kershaw, Badass

1 man, 7 pitches

Nothing like a little afternoon soiree is there, Baby?

You gotta love Phil Harris. The man knew how to get things done.He was cool, when it meant something. For those of you who aren't hep cats and more Disney oriented, he's the original voice of Baloo in The Jungle Book and Little John in Robin Hood.

Ya know you gotta come by my place some time for cocoa. I gots me some crazy cocoa, Baby!

Fire + meat ≠ BBQ

This chaos is the 21st annual Frisco, Colorado BBQ Challenge. The event featured over 70 Grillmasters. I'm not sure what it takes to be called a 'Grillmaster', but apparently it does not include being able to cook ribs. Oh, don't get me wrong there were plenty of ribs there. Just none of them worth a damn. They didn't even know to remove the tough membrane from the back. The brisket was plenty suspect as well. I didn't see a decent smoke ring in the bunch.

There was also the mandatory stop to buy "coupins". Cue Ron White. You had to have a coupin to buy anything. 1 coupin = $1. 1 lousy rib = 3 coupins. 1/2 a brisket sandwich = 5. 1 domestic beer = 5, 1 microbrew = 8. It did not take long to burn thru a stack of coupins.

Crowd control? Riiiiight. I've been to riots that were more organized. If there had been 'an event' it would have been mass chaos. The pic doesn't really do justice to how crowded it was. By the time you made it to the end of the street, it was Sardine City. You were not in control of where you were going. The school led you with the flow. I also learned the way to navigate thru a crowd like that is by using a stroller. If you have a stroller none of the normal rules of society, etiquette or physics apply. A stroller is the 'all access pass' in a festival crowd because you either move out of their way or you're the a-hole that is blocking a little kid. Why you blocking a little kid, a-hole? I'm telling you it's fool proof and Moms know this so they give zero damns about blocking you or going against the flow while using their child as a human shield.

Another problem was the long lines. Some booths had waits up to 30 minutes. This created the secondary problem of line cutters. People would come in from the opposite direction and try to slide in at the order point not noticing the 120 people not so patiently standing in line. As you can imagine this did not go over well. The solution? Send Granny stumbling in all confused and having trouble standing. Who's gonna make Granny go to the end of the line, you? I bet you'd block a kid in a stroller, too. Wouldn't ya? Well, just as soon as Granny gets in to order, here comes the rest of her herd. Oh Granny, there you are! She'll take 2 brisket sandwiches, a sausage plate, 2 turkey legs and a slab of ribs. (Karma's gonna get ya on those ribs!) I saw this happen more than once. People have planned ahead for these things and it is my duty to pass this info along. What you do with it, is up to you. Just take Granny along to the next food festival and see if I'm lying.

They made a big deal of asking people to park at the Middle School and take the free shuttle to downtown instead of parking close by on the neighborhood streets. It was to run every 15-20 minutes. Make that more like 30-45 minutes plus there was only 1 shuttle and it was small. So, when the crowds built up it turned into a near riot just to get a seat on the shuttle. People that had to wait because the previous shuttle was full were not eager to let people that didn't have to wait on first. People that didn't have to wait, did not want to wait and neither did their kids who naturally had already found a seat on the shuttle. Hilarity ensued.

There were plenty of good intentions here, and they drew a helluva crowd. It was just short on the planning and payoff. And good cooks.

Small Helicopter, High Altitude and High Winds

And while we're at it toss in Friday the 13th. What could possibly go wrong?

Luckily nothing more than bad cinematography and poor audio. But you can clearly hear the winds playing havoc with the main rotor. We were bouncing around pretty good a couple of times and more than once the thought of "Autorotate? Riiiiiiiight!" crossed my mind.

Hat's off to Will Sanders of coloradovertical.com. He's a great pilot and tour guide. His videos are better, too. And remember folks, a helicopter doesn't fly so much as it beats the air into submission.

Flash Flood, Watch

Post by James Ramirez.

Fishing: Apparently I've been doing it wrong.

This is what happens when you wear red pants.

I like this fashion bull's moxy. He is fully committed and completely airborne when he makes contact with Senor Pantalones Rojo's chiny chin chin.

DVR Alert: Longmire

One of the better shows on TV returns for Season 3 on A&E. I'm sure a few of my readers who aren't familiar with Longmire will be pleased to find it's family friendly. They may push the edge of the FF envelope from time to time but no more than any other network drama. It's all in good taste and integral to the story. This is a well written and well cast drama. The level of quality will surprise you.

The Sheriff of Absaroka County, Wyoming returns to A&E Monday night at 8.

GIF of The Day

I like this guy's moxy. There are so many ways this could have been a huge fail.

But considering I've cliff dived into an abandoned rock quarry off the tail gate of a pickup 

I've got no room to talk.

Make your bed.

Hook 'em.

So what did NFL teams really think about JFF?

Not much according to BroBible.

On his family:

• From the vibe of online articles, father seems a little too involved and overstepping his boundaries.
• Vibe on this guy keeps getting worse. Support staff members are sick of him and ready for him to go. Described as a cocky, me-guy.
• Loves football, FBI is high as well. Everything has been pretty well-documented in online articles about the kid, but sources say he’s a spoiled brat (grandfather gives him allowance, father bought him luxury car).
• Comes from ‘outlaw bloodlines’, mom moved the family to Kerrville to get away from father’s wild family. Father’s family is said to be very shady people, always into something, they are the root of Johnny’s personality.

On his psyche:

• Couple of TXTC sources say can’t yell/scream at him or he shuts down; has walked away from Kingsbury in the past.

On his work ethic:

• Doesn’t study the game, said to know about 60% of the offense in ’12, never watches film; one source said only time he watched film during ’12 was before ALUN.
• Knows how to scheme the system, arrogant and full of himself, but he’s not smug to coaches. Has been like this since Day 1, has never gone to class, goes to beat of own drum, but has ultimate confidence.

On how his teammates view him:

• Teammates don’t dislike him, but there’s some resentment, more so in the offseason when he isn’t coming to workouts and they are busting their butt.

Draft night in pics for JFF

Schadenfreude

I can't tell you how many times I've seen something just like this happen. I don't miss trucking one bit because everyone always assumed I was this guy. Nothing like being treated like the lowest common denominator.

The sad thing is he could have cleared that bridge. The truck is 13' 6".  Most states give you 1 foot for snow accumulation, so the bridge was actually 14' not 13'. He had 6 inches to spare. I'd have at least eased up to it and see if it cleared. If it wouldn't then back out (trust me cars will get out of the way), don't try a u-turn.

So Doge Much Dega

Josh Wise will be hitting the track in Talladega this weekend wearing the Dogecoin wrap on the 98 Phil "start&park" Parsons Racing Ford. The entire sponsorship was paid with donations from Reddit fans. It's a pretty cool story. err... much fan love, so internet (or something like that).

Snortin' Whiskey and Drinking Cocaine

Besides being a badass Pat Travers tune from the 80's, powdered alcohol is now a real thing.
'Merica, what a country!

Palcohol is a powdered alcohol that you presumably could snort, although you really don't want to do that for many reasons. The most notable being it's incredibly stupid.

The big advantage is you can take Palcohol anywhere you might want to enjoy an adult beverage and don't have to feel like a bootlegger or drug mule to do it. There's no liquid to contain so no bulky glass or plastic container. It will be available this fall in rum and vodka varieties. Presumably whiskey will be available in the near future.

How strong is Palcohol? Each pouch will be equal to one shot.

Men's Health Quandry

I ran across this article the other day and was actually kinda disturbed about the results of my personal assessment. Needless to say I'm not contemplating taking the 'ol Brooks kicking the suitcase routine. But they didn't give an over/under and there were more flags than I was personally comfortable with.

So let's play Devil's Advocate and say I play it cautious. I see my Doctor or healthcare professional and they prescribe me an antidepressant that I have to take in a dual bathtub at sunset in Sunset. Am I now red flagged if I decide to make a purchase at the Fort Worth Gun Show and if so, for how long? Do I now have a record of mental illness? Who decides when I'm off the "Do not buy" list?

Needless to say there's no way in Hell I'm asking anyone anything about depression.

And nobody remembered.

The two ton anchor from the Grandcamp was hurled 1.62 miles.

OU student loses on Wheel Of Fortune

What 2 letters could she possibly need?

Watch it here.

I'm going to Denny's!

Unfortunately I doubt I'll be leaving with a sweet M60 as a present.

Yum, Yum

I do loves me some enchiladas at Casillias'.

Watch Fever: Airborne Outbreak

Obligatory "Shaggy pose"

My search for an Omega Speedmaster Professional continues. But in the meantime, I ran across this little gem. A 2nd Generation Citizen Eco-Drive Skyhawk "Blue Angels". It's pre-loved, but came with both boxes, all the manuals and extra links.

With my love of naval aviation, this watch definitely falls squarely in my wheelhouse. It will be the new "top gun" of my watch collection.

C'mon, you had to know that one was coming.

As you can tell by this picture it's also in dire need of a good cleaning and polish. Probably why it went so cheap. I'll bust out the Dremel and get to work with a polishing wheel and some jewelers rouge after I give it a good scrub with a toothbrush and jewelry cleaner. It will clean up nicely.

There are a couple of flaws, namely a deep scratch on the bezel and a chip missing in one of the yellow points. Other than that, it's normal wear and tear. I'm confident I can resell this for at least $100 more than I paid for it. Funny, because the guy that sold it to me probably thought the exact same thing when he bought it.

Watch the canopy, Goose!

15 Minutes Saved Me...

OK, it was more than 15 minutes, but it was worth it. I've had insurance thru State Farm for years. Same local agent. Her father inlaw was my Jr High basketball coach. I open pickle jars with the neat little rubber grippy thingy she sends out at Christmas. Small town warm-n-fuzzy stuff. The last year or so I have been inundated with junk mail from AARP. I finally joined up just to get the hotel discount and hopefully cut down the junkmail.

Yes on 1. No on 2.

In fact it only changed from offers to join AARP to offers to join AARP partners like The Hartford insurance. But I was happy with my current insurance. Hometown gal, know her family, knows me by sight... she would certainly be giving me the best deal out there.

Today the policy renewal shows up and so does more of that AARP junkmail. Oh WTF, let's compare policies just for shits and giggles. But I used Progressive's website instead of The Hartford because Progressive checks multiple companies. Turns out I can save almost $200 by switching to Flo.

Wow! That's not chump change. I call my friendly, down home, you're on our Christmas card list agent to get that famous "Discount Double Check". The girl that answered the phone reminded me of April on "Parks & Recreation". It was obvious I was really annoying her by calling asking for a lower bill. She even told me how it would be actually cheaper to stay with State Farm even though they were more expensive, because it's a big company and she's worked for them for over 10 years. For some reason that wasn't a big selling point for me. She did finally break down and admit she could save me $18 after I pointed out an anti-theft discount I had on one car, but not the other.

WOOHOO, $18! Let's take those savings and buy a 12 pack and some pork rinds! Might be enough left over for a slice of jerky, too.

Bitch pissed me off.

The Progressive page didn't list The Hartford, so I had to quote them separately thru the AARP site. Almost. half. price. State Farm was $949 for 6 months, The Hartford was $1120 for 12 months. $778 difference! I double checked everything to make sure the coverages were the same and they were identical. I even added some extra coverage on my F350 for custom equipment that wasn't listed on my SF policy.

Needless to say I won't be getting a new rubber grippy thing to open my pickle jars next Christmas and I could care less about being in AARP or getting their junkmail now. I hate those Aaron Rodgers commercials, anyway.

tl/dr: I saved a metric assload of money by switching to geezer car insurance

Fool's Roll

If I had only known about this sooner. I'd have been all in, Baby! Now I'll have to wait until next year. This has me written all over it. Fool's Roll  is a real life "Cannonball Run" style automotive event. (Call it a race you get your ass sued off)

Buy a car off Craigslist for <$2000. Drive it from Austin to Las Vegas. Sell the car and bet it all on 1 hand.

It's only Rock'n'Roll, but I like it!

Justified

Illegal camping? El Chupacabra, you better take note. Stay the hell outa Nuevo Mexico.

On a side note, the officer (thru who's helmet cam we watch him kill the man) was hired less than a year ago on the promise he would not carry a gun due to his questionable background.

Folks, we have entered a whole new era in these United States. The terrorists have won. Now every citizen is a suspect. Immediate non-compliance is a justified death sentence.

The train is seriously off the track folks. The militarization of the police has fallen down the slippery slope. They have managed to outflank the Posse Comitatus Act with the Patriot Act.  The question is, can we ever pull them back?

Here's a link to the full shooting video: STRONG GRAPHIC VIOLENCE WARNING .

Take 2 escargot and call me in the morning.

Australian researchers have found that a drug made using venom from ocean-dwelling cone snails may be 100 times as powerful as top painkillers morphine and gabapentin, which are currently used to ease chronic nerve pain born from injury, cancer, diabetes, and other diseases.

The drug, based on peptides called conotoxins that reside in the snails' venom, is thought not to have the addictive properties of other painkillers.

So far, though, the drug has been tested only on rats. "We don't know about side effects yet, as it hasn't been tested in humans. But we think it would be safe," says lead researcher David Craik. A test on people is at least two years off, he notes; still, the finding could lead to a "whole new class of drugs capable of relieving one of the most severe forms of chronic pain that is currently very difficult to treat"—and one taken orally. Another drug made from conotoxin is already approved for use on humans, but it requires spinal cord injection.

Fake Movie of The Week

I actually know one of the main characters, "Tony Nunes".
You may recognise him from Walmart Mexico commercials if you've been vacationing there this winter.

Plane thief caught on camera!

His moose accomplice escaped undetected.

Watch Fever, I Haz It

I've been patiently looking for the right one, but I'm itching to make my next watch purchase. My first "Big Boy" watch, an Omega Speedmaster Professional "Moon". While there is some disparity to the "and only" part of their claim, there's no denying it was the first watch space flight qualified and the first watch worn on the moon.

But, it was not worn by Neil Armstrong, the first man on the moon. He left his Speedmaster in the LEM as a backup after the onboard mission timer failed. Buzz Aldrin, the 2nd man on the moon, wore the first watch. That Omega Speedmaster would later disappear while being shipped to the Smithsonian.

As for the disputed "only" claim you can thank Apollo XV astronaut David Scott. The crystal of his Speedmaster popped off and he wore a backup Waltham branded swiss made chronograph that was unauthorized. Omega considers this a "stowaway" situation and disputes the Waltham claim, personally I would be more concerned about losing the crystal.

The Speedmaster Professional was given the Snoopy Award by NASA following Apollo 13 for it's critical role during the manual burn that brought the stricken spacecraft home. Not surprisingly there's a bit of controversy with this as well. There are pictures of Jack Swigert wearing both a Speedy and a Rolex GMT. Who's to say which watch he used when. Jack passed away in December 1982 so we will never know.

No matter how you look at it, the Omega Speedmaster Professional is one of the Top 10 watches of all time. It's also the first watch worn on the moon and flight-qualified by NASA for all manned space missions from the Moon to Mars.

Damn it, Jim. I'm not a writer!

Wow... First Bag of Nothing gives up blogging for lent. Ok, I can respect that. NOW Liberally Lean is going dark for at least a week.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Dubya Tea Eff people? How am I to make it thru each day without reading my internets? Where will I get my daily dosage of snark? I guess I could step up my game and take the field like Shane Falco did for the Washington Sentinels.

But, I know it would turn out the same way. Just when I've got my confidence built up that I can actually do this thing, the regular players will return to the game and I'll be out faster than Prince Fielder going for an inside the park home run. (He's not very fast, you see...)

Wait, I'm mixing my movie metaphors with my sports metaphors. See? Told you so. I'm not that great at this writing stuff. But until the 'Pros from Dover' return, this is what you get.

God damn Army!

Next month, Last Week Tonight

Really looking forward to this. John Oliver definitely has the chops and HBO will give him free rein.

#burn

Jason Garrett is tied with Wade Phillips for 56 games as the @dallascowboys head coach. Phillips: 34 - 22; Garrett: 29 -27. #suprisesMe
— Wade Phillips (@sonofbum) March 6, 2014

Give 'em Hell, Wade!

Science, Bitches!

And you can thank Seth MacFarlane.

Blatantly Stolen From Gordo's Corner

Wayyy too much time on their hands.

Long before ZQuicks

Look in the sky! It's a plane! It's a frog! No, it's little ol me... Underdog!

People die at the fair.

We will return after these important messages

Mmm Beadle

The hot topic on the street is the highly anticipated return to ESPN of Michelle Beadle. The former SportsNation host has been sorely missed by ESPN and horribly misused by NBC.

 Beadle got more exposure from her Bridgestone commercials (which were recorded before her NBC hire) than she did during her entire stint at NBCUniversal.


While this wasn't a Conan/Leno sized clusterfuck, it was extremely similar albeit less expensive. It's very reminiscent of how they handled Alan Bestwick. The good news is we'll be seeing much more of Beadle very soon on the Worldwide Leader.

Oh and NBC, this ones for you...

Drive, Hard Drive

How to impress your date

Lilyhammer

I was very late to the party on this one because I cancelled Netflix a long time ago. But I recently renewed for the new season of House of Cards (debuts 2/14) and ran across Lilyhammer starring Little Steven Van Zandt. It's the original 'Original Program' from Netflix. Lilyhammer (spelling is correct) is a very entertaining show even if 60% of it is in Norwegian. You definitely have to watch the show to catch the subtitles. Trying to listen to it and do something else ain't gonna work. You'll be lost in under a minute. Don't believe me? Try watching the non subtitled episodes on YouTube.

The tl/dr summary is: Mobster turns state's evidence and witness relocates to Lillehammer, Norway. Hilarity and cultural differences ensue.

Altho the writing seems to jump around (especially from S1-S2) it's still very entertaining. The show has a fantastic cast and is littered with surprising guest stars. Lilyhammer is well worth the watch. Apparently Netflix agrees and has ordered up a 3rd season from our friends at The Flamingo. That's impressive since Season 2 was just released a month ago.

The new Coach is near!

Six Flags got nothing on this!

I'd definitely try this, but that monorail track would worry me.

Reason #14 Why Breaking Bad Is The Greatest Series Ever

Todd's ringtone for Mr. White

Merry Christmas

A bit ahead of schedule, but what the Hell..

I usually reserve this song until Christmas, but it actually happened today at our Dysfunctional Modern Family Redneck Christmas gathering. Fortunately, I brought a quart of moonshine soaked cherries that defused the situation just enough to prevent any barefoot rasslin'/knife fights in the backyard over hurt feelings/long running feuds among the factions.

That's a win no matter how you look at it.

Science, Bitch!

At 2:09 in the 2nd I correctly predicted the outcome of the game.

The Wrong Stuff

I caught the Republican Lt. Governor primary debate. It was a low budget production by KCEN Waco/Temple/Killeen and reminded me of the press conference scene from The Right Stuff.

"Why Yes, I attend church regularly!"

It was a sad demonstration of what we have in store for leadership in Texas. 

As inconceivable as it may be, one of these yahoos will be the next Lieutenant Governor of Texas. 

God save us all.

Seen on a Longhorns forum today

h/t ShaggyBevo.com

The Ticket on TV-47

If you have been watching this, you've been watching next level greatness. I'll dig up stuff for an update later, but get to a TV now and start watching this...

It's gettin' all Christmas-y round here.

BRRRR!!!!!

Still as funny as the first time I heard it.