This Guy Never Watched Bait Car

Ran across this gem on a car forum.

So last night about 3:30am, my wife wakes me up, "is that your car alarm going off?". It was. My BMW was parked in the driveway, so I look out the window and see nothing out of the ordinary. I disabled the alarm, and the doors unlocked. Then I see some dude with no shirt on get into my car!   I'm thinking "WTF?". I immedately lock the doors, then double lock/arm. Owned. I tell the wife to call 911, while I go outside and snap a quick cell phone pic of the guy just incase. After the first picture, he started getting pissed off and gave me the finger. I then went into the garage and grabbed my 3lb sledge. I stand next to the driver's door with the sledge in my hand and a very angry look on my face. If he tries to bust his way out of the car, he's getting squashed. The kid is obviously scared sh*tless, as he doesn't even move or look at me. Cops come and ask how I locked him in the car, and I tell them about the double lock.

Turns out the kid is drunk and he told the cops he thought my house was his friend's house. Sounds like a bs story, but whatever. He also threw up on the outside of my passenger door.

But yeah, double lock saves the day.

Obligatory picture of owned moron in his cage:

Wilfred Returns With A Bang!

Wilfred (Jason Gann) and Bear (Bear)

Holy cow, they have really stepped it up at FX. The sneak season premier of Wilfred hasn't reached the first commercial break and all hell has broken loose. Ryan (Elijah Wood) is in a psychiatric hospital and Robin Williams is his psychiatrist. Rob Riggle, Allison Mack and Steven Webber also have guest roles.

Glad to see they pulled out the stops and committed to this very dark comedy. This season looks to be off to an excellent start.

Funny, very funny.

Lili Von Shtupp Conveys My Condition After Another Day Building Fence

It's twue. Let's face it I'm kaput. The good news is the hardest part is done. The bad news is I had very little to do with that. Huge Tip O' The Hat to the hands from M/R Fabrication in Alvord. I have the best looking corner posts in the county. I also have a nice clean right of way cut thru some tough terrain. Great job!

I've been working the snot out of my Suzuki Carry. It puts a Mule or Gator to shame. It's been hauling pipe, fence posts, wire, coolers, you name it. The stripper pole came in handy for the guy in the back throwing out t-posts. It was a great hand hold, but made for some awkward photo opportunities. I didn't take any, but I wouldn't trust anyone that might have had a cell phone handy and wanted a picture of their coworker hanging off a stripper pole...

Larry Lee rigged up a kick ass receiver hitch from some scrap steel that was just laying around. Then he loaned me his personal wire spool to string the barbed wire. It slides right in the receiver hitch. Just put the Carry in 4WD Low and let it crawl.

Awesome.

Larry's great at coming up with stuff like that. He's the guy that built the Smoking Gun smoker we used to take to NASCAR. He told me about his latest project, a "Little Red Wagon". Think "Radio Flyer" crossbred with a Monster Truck. It's gonna be cool.

To Boldly Go Where Nothing Has Gone Before

Humanity escapes the solar system: Voyager 1 signals that it has reached the edge of interstellar space - 11billion miles away


With absolutely no attempt at hyperbole at all, it is fair to say that this is one of - if not the - biggest achievement of the human race.

For, as we speak, an object conceived in the human mind, and built by our tools, and launched from our planet, is sailing out of the further depths of our solar system - and will be the first object made by man to sail out into interstellar space.

The Voyager 1, built by Nasa and launched in 1977 has spent the last 35 years steadily increasing its distance from Earth, and is now now 17,970,000,000km - or 11,100,000,000miles - away, travelling at 10km a second.

Indications over the last week implies that Voyager 1 is now leaving the heliosphere - the last vestige of this solar system.


The Atlantic reports that the Voyager 1 - which is still managing to communicate with Earth with radio waves that reach us 16 hours later - is beginning to experience a bit of heat.

It is detecting more energetic particles around it, implying it it at the very edge of the heliosheath, which is like a bubble around the solar system, protecting us from the cosmic winds of deep space.


Voyager entered the heliosphere in 2004

According to The Atlantic, certain cosmic rays have a hard time entering the heliosphere, but as of last month, the sum of these slower particles increased by about 10 per cent.

This does not necessarily mean we have crossed over - but it means we are getting close.


Voyager scientist Edward Stone told The Atlantic: 'This is the first time any spacecraft has been there.
'We're looking at our data every day - we listen to these spacecraft every day, for a few hours every day - to keep track of what's going on. ... It's very exciting from a scientific point of view, when you're seeing something that nobody's seen before.

'Since nothing's ever been there before, we don't know what it will look like, which makes it a little hard to recognize "it" at all.

'That's the exciting thing.'

It will be hard to define when Voyager has left. It will not be a clean break - the molecules will thin out less, and there will be no wall or set boundary.

What will the Voyager find out there? Probably close to an absolute vacuum, save for a few long-range comets which still orbit the sun.

Scientists expect to see several telltale signs when Voyager 1 finally crosses the boundary including a change in the magnetic field direction and the type of wind.

Interstellar wind is slower, colder and denser than solar wind.

Jr. Nation Is Partying Tonight!

Dale Earnhardt Jr. raced to his first NASCAR Sprint Cup victory in four years, ending a 143-race winless streak Sunday at Michigan International Speedway.

The victory came almost exactly four years to the day after his last trip to Victory Lane in a Cup race. That also was in Michigan on June 15, 2008.

"To do it for my fans -- they stuck behind me for all these years. I know exactly what they've been thinking about and how long they've been wanting us to get to Victory Lane," Earnhardt said. "This was for them. I appreciate their loyalty and their support. We wouldn't have made it back to Victory Lane without it."

"Those last 15 laps were the longest laps ever"

Lari Barager Never Had To Put Up With This

The one legged Benny Hill @ 1:28 and Orangeman at 2:20.

Good Eats

The last time I went grocery shopping I picked up a can of Margaret Holmes Simple Suppers Creole Fixins' for something different. That turned out to be a VERY good idea. Talk about good! It's in slap yo Mamma territory.

I did tweak it a bit. The sauce has rice and veggies in it, but I added 2 diced fresh picked garden banana peppers and a few ounces of red wine along with 3 sliced boneless skinless chicken breasts. I seasoned the chicken with salt and pepper and browned them in olive oil then stirred in the sauce and fresh peppers and let everything simmer for about 20 minutes.

Add some salad and garlic toast and you've got an awesome meal in under 30 minutes. Can't get any easier than that.

I spent the day building fence.

I Need A Glider Kit

No, not one of these.

One of these!

If any of the South 40 faithful are in the truck business drop me a line and I can give you the specs. Needs to be a Peterbilt or Freightliner and HAS to be glider kit to get around the DPF rules. Ya gotta love loopholes.

For Every Action, There Is An Equal And Opposite Reaction

One thing is for certain. This is the final season of Breaking Bad and AMC is running it from the start.

General Virus Warning

I keep getting a Chrome virus warning from Google for hilbillyvacshack.com. Pretty confident it's from my newsfeed because:

 A)I've never heard of it and

B) I've never heard of it.

Shields to full power, Mr. Chekov.

Apologies to Jeff Foxworthy

Ran across this on a Ford truck forum I've become well acquainted with recently. If nothing else, it proves Ford Guys have a sense of humor.


If you choose a parking spot based on tow truck access...you just might own a 6 liter.

If you can identify 7 different fluids under your truck, by taste...you just might own a 6 liter.

If you've got so many gauges in your cab that it looks like a 747 cockpit...you just might own a 6 liter.

If you've got a diesel tech on speed dial...you just might own a 6 liter.

If you got in a fight with your best friend over whether to lift a cab, or not...you just might own a 6 liter.

If you tell all your friends to buy a V-10...you just might own a 6 liter.

If Ford holds the second mortgage on your home...you just might own a 6 liter.

If you have wet dreams that Ford bought out Cummins...you just might own a 6 liter.

If you are afraid your Brother In-Law will see you drive into the Ford service lane...you just might own a 6 liter.

If you tell everyone you meet how great your Torqshift is...you just might own a 6 liter.

If you carry an emergency poster that reads "please bring coolant"...you just might own a 6 liter.

If you have every tool Snap-On makes, in your truck box...you just might own a 6 liter.

If your baby boy's first words were, "head gasket"...you just might own a 6 liter.

If you are a member of more than 2 truck forums and pay to be there, you might own a 6 liter.

If you got your truck in a poker game, and you lost...you just might own a 6 liter.

If you are sitting here reading this and your wife walks in and makes fun of you because she knows what it all means, you just might own a 6.0 liter.

Wish in one hand and spit in the other...

I want one of these bad. You never know when you're going to find cheap fuel or be stranded and need a reserve. The fuel cap to the 40 gallon tank is discretely located under the tool box lid to hide/discourage any theft. The all in one design also helps disguise the fact it's a fuel tank.

But, my recent trip to the shop has caused a major fundulation situation. Having to work on the engine really threw a monkey wrench in my gameplan .

I want to Line-X the bed, then mount the CB antennae and back-up cam to the new toolbox/fueltank combo so I can see my GN hitch. Unfortunately, I spent that money on a new head.

I can go without the Line-X and new toolbox/fueltank, but I need to install the CB now and that's going to make things difficult later on. I have to leave room to modify the antennae mount when I finally do add the new toolbox without permanently marring anything in the process.

I Said "Good Day", Sir!

I thought including Ed McMahon was a nice touch.

Thank You, Sir. May I Have Another?

I got Black Beauty back from the mechanic today. New head, new gaskets, new hoses... the works. 

This was running thru my head as I cut him a check.

I'll Take 2 Please!

AudioQuest NRG WEL Signature Series 6 ft AC Power Cable. Price:$6,899.75

After reading some of the customer reviews, I'd be a fool not to buy!

We had a black out caused by a storm about a year ago. Well after the 3rd days with no power, hot shower and a frig that was warm & rancid milk, I was desperate. I have a family with 3 small children to care for. Well my neighbor works for the company that manufactures these cables as an engineer and has always bragged about how great they were. Well he was kind enough to loan me a half dozen cables of a new prototype design and I gave them a go.


Not only was my house power back up to normal with in minutes but as I was standing there in awe my head started to itch. I mean really itch, I started scratching my bald head and felt fuzz all over my previously bald head. I rushed into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. To my surprise my hair was growing back before my eyes. I was in shock, you could see it growing as you watched. With in 45 minutes my hair had grown back completely! I have looked like Mr. Potato head for 20 years and suddenly I have a full head of hair again. Only one thing could have caused this! "IT WAS THE PROTOTYPE CABLES". That wasn't the end of it either. I herd my wife crying and rushed into our bedroom. I thought she was in pain but they were tears of happiness. She was standing in front of the mirror with a brand new set of 38D's and a 24 inch waist, and she is 48 years old. But now she looked 28 years old.


I could go on and on about these cables and all they have done for us. (Like my three children winning the Nobel peace prize and how they solved world hunger, BUT I will do that in another post when I update my experience with these incredible cables) These cables are worth every cent. I am a believer and so is my entire family. Pick up a dozen "NOW"! It will change your life. I'm not sure how they work, and my IQ is now 658 up from 108 (those cables again). Its could be the Noise-Dissipation System and the Counter-Spiral Geometry but my bet its really the flamadootles unversed to the square mean ratio vortex, coupled with their patented inner freshness lock & seal package. I will post updates soon on any new benefits derived from this product.

History Channel Knocks One Out Of The Park

The buzz was pretty low for History Channel's miniseries Hatfields & McCoys. Unless you watched HC you probably didn't hear much about it before it aired. But talk about pulling a rabbit out of your ass! Ratings were thru the roof.

Parts one and two of the star-filled drama drew 13.9 million and 13.1 million viewers, respectively. Wednesday's finale of Hatfields & McCoys was the most-watched of the three nights, with 14.3 million viewers. According to History Channel, that makes it the No. 1 non-sports and non-news program ever on ad-supported cable.

The president of the History Channel, Nancy Dubuc was quoted in a New York Times article as saying "she would have been happy with three million viewers". This was the basic cable original programming equivalent of The Hunger Games.

This was also a huge feather in the hat of Director Kevin Reynolds. The native Texan is best known for One Eight Seven, The Count of Monte Cristo and worked with Costner on Waterworld, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and one of my all time favorite films, Fandango.

I'm pretty sure having a quality cast made a difference, too. Kevin Costner, Bill Paxton, Mare Winningham, Powers Boothe, Tom Berenger. That's an expensive payroll. The production vales were first rate and the writing was excellent. It was graphically violent, gritty and cold blooded at times. You could feel the hatred between the families first hand.

But it's not all bloodshed, hate and gunsmoke. There's also a bittersweet love story between the clans. Roseanna McCoy (Lindsay Pulsipher) and Johnse Hatfield (Matt Barr) start out innocently enough as young lovers hoping to marry and bring an end to the feud, but their families will have none of it and wind up tearing them apart. A lot of Romeo & Juliet going on there and that could have been a movie all it's own, but the story is more complicated than that.

This was a deeply researched and well written script from Bill Kerby (The Rose, Dead Men Can't Dance) and Ted Mann (Wiseguy, NYPD Blue, Deadwood) full of important and well cast supporting characters with various subplots. This looked more like a long theatrical film that got chopped into a mini series. Hopefully, we'll see more of that in the future and less "reality" productions.

If you don't have cable, there's good news. Hatfields & McCoys is slated for BluRay and DVD release July 31st.

Oh Gods Of The Blue Oval, Why Have You Forsaken Me?

Some days, it's hard to be a Ford guy. Trust me, you won't find a bigger Ford guy than myself. I was born with a Blue Oval on my chest. But my F350 starting to remind me of when I owned a boat. You know what a boat is, right? It's a big hole in the lake that you throw money into.

I've already replaced the oil cooler (not cheap) and fixed various nickle and dime problems. HA! HA! Fooled you! There are no "nickle and dime" problems. Nothing is less than $10 and consider yourself lucky if what you need is under $50.

Now, more good news. I have a cracked head (the truck, not me personally altho I am beginning to wonder). Fortunately it's only 1 head that's cracked and I caught it before it caused more problems. Unfortunately the parts alone are over $1500 and labor is close to that. In their infinite wisdom Ford designed a vehicle that you have to either raise the cab or pull the engine to replace the head. I guess it looked good on paper.

While it's torn down I'm replacing both head gaskets and upgrading the head bolts to ARP studs to hopefully avoid future problems before they happen. For what I paid and what the truck is worth, I'm still coming out ahead if I sold it. But it suddenly isn't such a great deal anymore. The truck has spent more time in the shop than in my driveway.

Friends gave me a hard time when I bought my Mercedes because it was an expensive, high maintenance car. At this rate, it's an economy car compared to my Ford.

National Clean Your Computer Day

I've never let one get quite that bad, but I came close a couple years ago when I thought opening the windows would save me $$$ over running the a/c. Pretty sure the cleaning bills and PITA factor wiped out any utility savings I achieved.

News Flash: People in Austin Can't Drive

Just made a quick trip to San Antonio and a LOT has changed. All the construction that was underway the last time I went thru Austin is done. So they decided to start a bunch of new construction. Yaaaayyy...

But I have discovered a new breed of critter unique to the region, "The Center Lane Driver". There's a 70 mile stretch of I-35 that has a "No Trucks In Left Lane" rule. The purpose of this, I assume, is to keep the left lane moving quickly. On paper this may look great, but let me tell you it doesn't work. Trucks now hang in the center lane and this forces people to merge left or right to pass. Now you have 1 lane pretty much unused and 2 lanes in rolling gridlock. So instead of speeding up the traffic, it clogs up faster than my shedding hair in the shower drain during the 90's.

I guess TXDOT doesn't understand that trucks don't drive in the far right lane in metro areas because of exiting and entering traffic. It's hard to stop/accellerate those 18wheelers, so to avoid a dangerous situation where a car slams on it's brakes to exit or enters the road 20mph slower than traffic, they stay out of the right lane in congested areas. Take away the left lane to pass and it's a game over. It's not just 18wheelers, cars seem to love driving 10 miles under the speed limit and talking on the phone in the center lane, which backs up the trucks and magnifies the problem.

What they should do is make the left lane for passing. Wait, that's what the left lane is for to begin with. And if my memory serves me, we learned that in Driver's Ed along with "Slower Traffic Keep Right". But that was back when we encouraged everyone to "Drive Friendly". Now it's "Drive Like It's You Own The Road".

I really need to get in touch with Vince, the "Shamwow" guy. I have a great invention to market, "The Dumbassador". It's a spring loaded ball pein hammer attached to the car headliner aimed at the driver. The catch is it's remote controlled by anyone directly behind you. Driving 10 miles under the speed limit and won't move over? Call on the Dumbassador! WHACK! I guarantee you our entire nation would become better drivers virtually overnight. Plus, it speaks the universal language everyone can understand... pain. The flaw in my plan is it would have to be mandatory in every vehicle for the idea to work, but it WOULD work.

The Magical Power Of Duct Tape

A half-naked woman wearing hot pink duct tape attacked and injured three Seattle police officers in a bizarre incident Saturday night outside a lower Queen Anne bar.

The outlandish drama began at about 8 p.m., when the woman began stripping off her clothes inside the bar and sticking hot pink duct tape on her upper body, said Seattle police spokeswoman Renee Witt.
The bartender ordered her to leave the bar, but she refused.

She then grabbed the bartender's arm, injuring him. After that, she attacked another female customer by clawing and scratching her face and eyes, Witt said.


Police were called. As they pulled up, the woman ran outside and down the street, ducking into a nearby KFC/Taco Bell restaurant and hiding in the women's restroom.

Officers found her and brought her outside, putting her in handcuffs. But as officers tried to place her inside the patrol car, she suddenly "freaked out," Witt said.

She began kicking at the legs and head of one officer. As police tried to pull her back inside the patrol car she suddenly did an over-the-head back flip and tumbled out the other side of the car.

Once outside the patrol car, officers tried to get her under control. She kicked one officer in the head, causing a slight concussion.

Another officer was kicked in the hand, which severed the tendon in his right pinkie finger.

The third officer was kicked in the jaw, causing swelling and slight dislocation, Witt said.

All three officers and the suspect were taken to Harborview Medical Center. At the hospital, the suspect again went out of control and had to be given medication that eventually knocked her unconscious.

The officers were treated and released. The suspect also was treated for minor injuries, then booked into King County Jail for investigation of  assault.

Make It Stop!!!

Please dear sweet 6 pound 8 ounce newborn baby Jesus, make the political commercials stop. Get this election over with already. And I know this is just the riptide rolling out before the tsunami hits when the general election rolls around.

Roll up your jeans, put your hipwaders on and set Material Condition Zebra because it's gonna be mud Armageddon. With unlimited anonymous political contributions allowed now, this is truly the first election open to the highest bidder. The Supreme Court really screwed up in my humble opinion when they allowed that to happen.

And when did being a "moderate" become a bad thing???

That's about all the political opinion you'll get out of me. I will report, but do my best to remain neutral (Littlesister calls me "Switzerland"), on any campaign news this election. You know who you want to vote for and by God it's your right to do just that. I may think you're insane for doing it, but this is a free county and I'll fight for your right to do so.

I promise the soapbox is put away for the duration.

One small consolation is the invention of the DVR. At least I can fast forward thru the mire on stuff I record.

World's Most Expensive (and worst) Rave

From The Aviationist:
According to “youmustvotenato”, the user who posted it to Reddit, the following picture was taken after the fire suppression system base went off because of a spark from a welder set.

Clearly visible in the image an F-15 belonging to the 85th TES (Test and Evaluation Squadron), an F-16 of the 40 FLTS (Flight Test Squadron), and an A-10 (most probably belonging too to the 46th Test Wing): based on the the tail codes, the hangar must have been one used by the 46th TW at Eglin Air Force Base, Florida.

The foam generators suspended from the ceiling released suppressant similar to soap that submerged the planes in the hangar. It takes two minutes to fill a 90,000 square-foot hangar with more than three feet of  two percent high-expansion biodegradable foam.

Well that doesn't sound too bad, does it? Until you read this comment posted at Reddit:

The A-10 having it's cockpit open isn't even the big one in here. You can see that panels are open on the wing of the F-15. Being in a hanger and having the 2 stands, canopy cover, and speed brake strut installed leads me to believe it's in it's phase inspection. That means that a huge portion of the jet's panels are probably removed. One of the guys I work with had this happen at a previous base (it may even be this exact instance) and it took them at least a month or two to test every system on the jet. It would take a couple months to get the jet fully re-certified for normal sorties after something like this.

I Still Got It, Well... Most Of It

Found a sweet deal on a 7" Flip Down Car DVD CD Player GPS HD PIP Ipod Bluetooth Partridge in a Pear Tree Touch Screen for a little over $200 on eBay. After looking at what they wanted for similar radios at CarToys and the like, this was a helluva deal even if it was an off brand. Thought it would be a nice addition to my F350. It's been years since I've installed a new radio in anything but I used to be pretty good at it back in the day.

I picked up a wiring harness and dash adapter at Autozone then went to work. Pulling the old radio was a piece of cake, but getting the new one to line up right with the dash was a PITA. The adapter faceplate opening was about 1/4" too small so I had to bust out the Dremel and an X-acto knife to trim it up.

This radio is very cool for the price. Similar ones by name brands were $500 and up (and they're all made in China). Having a 7" touchscreen for GPS is nice and integrated phone is much better than the plug in hands free I had. Two less wires hanging from the windshield to deal with. It has a ton of functions and interfaces and runs Windows CE 6. Now I need to add XM and a back-up cam so I can see my trailer hitch when hooking up. I'm also going to fabricate a new power point terminal with room for a USB port.

When everything was said and done, it don't look too shabby. My lines are fairly straight, the tolerances are tight and I only cut a small part of my thumb off with the X-acto knife.

Why I'm Not Planning A Trip To Mexico In The Near Future

MONTERREY (Mexico) - Forty-nine bodies with their heads, hands and feet hacked off were found yesterday dumped on a northern Mexico highway leading to the Texas border in what appeared to be the latest carnage in an escalating war between Mexico's two dominant drug cartels.
Local and federal authorities discovered the bodies before dawn scattered in a pool of blood at the entrance to the town of San Juan, on a highway leading from the metropolis of Monterrey to the border city of Reynosa. A white stone arch welcoming visitors was spray-painted with black letters: "100% Zeta."
Nuevo Leon state security spokesman Jorge Domene said at a news conference that the 43 men and six women would be hard to identify because of the lack of heads, hands and feet. The bodies were being taken to a Monterrey auditorium for DNA tests.
The victims could have been killed as long as two days ago at another location, then transported to San Juan, a town in the municipality of Cadereyta, about 175 kilometers west-southwest of McAllen, Texas, and 125 kilometers southwest of the Roma, Texas, border crossing, state Attorney General Adrian de la Garza said.

Forty nine hacked up bodies? FORTY NINE?!?! And nobody noticed until they piled them up by the side of the highway? I'm writing a tersely worded letter to The Mexico Tourism Council.

NASCAR News

ESPN's Carl Edwards

A little bit of news for NASCAR fans. Roush/Fenway driver Carl Edwards is finally making the long awaited jump to the broadcast booth for ESPN. This was supposedly a done deal before the season started with Carl working weekly Nationwide races for ESPN, then everything went on hold. 

Now it appears they are going to take it in bits and pieces for this season at least with Carl working in the Play by Play booth with Allen Bestwick and Andy Petree while Dale Jarrett takes some time off. That's not a bad pair of guys to break into broadcasting with. AB is unquestionably THE premier play by play TV announcer for NASCAR. Apologies to Mike Joy, but Allen is just a notch above the rest.

Maybe it's because I've watched Allen since the old Inside Winston Cup Racing days on Speedvision. I've listened to him on MRN radio coverage. Those old radio guys just have a more intensive description of the action. They had to paint the race in your mind without the aid of cameras. He also suffered the most humiliating treatment a sportscaster has ever been submitted to when he was suddenly demoted as lead announcer for NBC/TNT's NASCAR coverage after he broke his leg in a hockey game and was replaced with the most annoying man in motorsports coverage, Bill Weber. 

Did Allen complain? No. He took a demotion to pit road and did his job to the best of his ability. After NBC lost the TV rights, ESPN hired Allen as their Infield Anchor and promoted Dr. Jerry Punch to the lead play by play position with Rusty Wallace and Alan Petree. Dale Jarrett then replaced Rusty who was just too hyper and "homer". Then Allen replaced Doc who just never really fit in the lead PBP position and Doc went back to Pit Road where he has excelled thruout his career and continues to do so.

Now, enter Carl Edwards. A former Nationwide Series Champion and the lead Sprint Cup driver for Ford. It's definitely a coup for ESPN to get a driver of his caliber in the booth and Carl has the chops for TV bits. Whether he has the skills to call an entire race is another story. But if there's anybody that can carry him thru this, it's Allen Bestwick.

More insight on this story at The Daly Planet.

Bill Weber is working as a travelling magician now, "It's a passion I hope to turn into a profession,". True story. So the moral of the story is there's justice after all.

On The Radar: Hotel Impossible

The previews for this caught my eye and I've been following Hotel Impossible since it's debut on Travel Channel. Yes, it's another rip-off of the Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares formula reality show, but it's reasonably well done and with a somewhat original twist. It also touches a nerve with anyone that has ever stayed in a hotel. You never forget a bad room and we've all had one.

Anthony Melchiorri is the expert sent in to rescue desperate properties. He knows his stuff and pays attention to the small details. Melchiorri has a proven track record managing major properties like New York's Plaza Hotel, Nickelodeon Hotel and Resort and the landmark Algonquin Hotel among others.

The properties featured are usually older establishments with new owners that have little experience. News Flash: Hospitality is not a sit back and do nothing business. He's hard edged and honest with his critiques which aren't always welcomed by owners in a deep state of denial and that adds enough drama to keep reality fans interested without turning the show into a soap opera.

Beyond teaching staff the basics of acceptable cleanliness, customer service and doing the obligatory room makeover on a time restraint/budget, Anthony shows owners how to maximize profits from unused assets.

It's definitely one of the best of the "business makeover" reality shows on TV, albeit a small category. It's worthy of watching an episode or two to see if it's for you. Having Anthony Bourdain as a lead-in don't hurt.

All I can say is I hope that any room I stay in is up to Anthony Melchiorri's standards.

This Cracked Me Up

PMS, Has her
L'Oréal, copies her skin tones
Clive Christian Perfume. Is based entirely on the smell of her farts 
Blind lesbians fall in lust with her without her ever saying a word
The mere sound of her voice is known to permanently cure impotence. In 80 year old men
She is continuously losing her virginity, just so others can find it.
She's won culinary awards for her preparation of  Ramon noodles
She is. The most interesting woman in the world


"I dont drink often. But when I do its a lot of Zinfandel from a box"

"The first guy through the wall always gets bloody"

http://austin.ynn.com/content/top_stories/284576/ut-student-struck-by-bus-during--foam-sword-friday-

An epic battle was waged across The Drag at the University of Texas Friday.

It was Foam Sword Friday, an end of semester stress reliever that has turned into a semi-annual tradition. On the last Friday of classes, students stare each other down from across Guadalupe Street and then attack as soon as the crosswalk light comes on.

However, the student celebration went quiet for a moment Friday afternoon when one of the participants was hit by a city bus.

Emergency officials arrived on scene around 1 p.m. after the bus struck a UT student, later identified as Nick Engmann, on the street in front of the University Co-op. According to Capital Metro, the bus driver ran a red light and has since received a citation.

In a statement released later in the afternoon Friday, Capital Metro spokesperson Erica McKewen said:

"The driver was cited by the Austin Police Department. The pedestrian got up on his own accord and walked to the curb, and was transported to the hospital with non-life threatening injuries.

The operator is a 21-year veteran with only one accident on his record, which occurred approximately 10 years ago. He will be placed on administrative leave pending the outcome of an investigation that will include a drug and alcohol test. If it is determined that the driver was at fault, he will face disciplinary action."

Officials with Austin-Travis County EMS says the injuries were not serious. Engmann even posed for a Facebook photo before he was taken to St. David's Hospital.

Here I Am, On The Road Again

"The Elite Fleet "

Just got back from my first trip with the F350. I took a couple thousand lbs of oilfield equipment to southern Louisiana. Glad I replaced the windshield wipers because I actually needed them. It rained HARD near Alexandria. I was hoping to bring some of it back, but no such luck.

The truck ran great and I confess to stomping on the throttle and choking every Prius I passed in a cloud of black smoke. Other than the cupped front tires that were on it when I bought it, I had no complaints. Apparently that's a common problem with 4x4 F350's and all terrain tires. I was on the way to get them rotated when I got the call for the load, so I got to listen to them "wa-wa-wa-wa" from here to Lower Alabama and back. First thing I did when I got home was get them rotated off the steering axle.

My stainless steel nerf bars I found for 1/2 price + free shipping on eBay were sitting on the porch when I got home. I'll get those bad boys bolted on tomorrow. I'm 6'2" and I have to climb/slide in. It's a tall truck! My new Scangauge II and Escort 8500 X50 were waiting in the mailbox, too. It's Christmas in May! Now I just have to pay for all of it...

I also got to savor the near Anthony Bourdain-esque culinary experience of Cajun country cuisine. I stopped for the night on the way back in the sleazy part West side of Shreveport. I saw a Wendy's across the freeway from the motel and a chicken sandwich sounded good for dinner/breakfast/theonlythingIateallday. 

Keyword: sounded.

I hit the drive thru, waited patiently while Mr. "Pants on the ground" guy in front of me got out of his car and dug thru an ice chest in his trunk for another dollar he had stashed, then drove back to the motel and pulled the hunk of charcoal they claimed was a chicken sandwich out of the bag. It was blacker than the person that cooked it  my truck's bumper.

I was hungry enough I ate it anyway after scraping as much pure carbon off it as possible. I wasn't about to take it back and demand a new one because they screwed up so bad. I think there would have been an extra effort made to season a new one with special sauce. 

I'd rather eat carbon than DNA.

Granny Critiques Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape

Reminds me of a Dr. Ruth joke by Sam Kinison...

What Manhole?

h/t H8torade

The Object Of My Affliction

'06 "Bulletproof" F-350

Well you heard the horror story already. Now, time for the silver lining. It wasn't as bad and considerably cheaper than it could have been. The 6.0 Powerstroke was already updated with better equipment and I only had to replace the oil cooler. The engine was already "chipped" so it has upgraded performance over a stock 6.0 Powerstroke. 

(UPDATED: Audio fixed) It's got some zip, too...

The interior looks incredible. I only hope I can keep it in as clean.

I hate to admit it after the rant I went on, but I still think this was a reasonably well maintained truck. That's the reason I bought it in the first place. It looks good overall, I just didn't see the "Slick Willie" they put on me with the oil cooler. Let's hope there isn't another one. But, according to my mechanic there isn't any and I trust him. I've known the guy for 30 over years, he's ASE certified and he's never lied to me. He checked it out head to toe and the only thing he found was a vacuum leak on the 4x4 switch but it is working in manual and not hard to repair. I'll get that fixed as soon as he can get to it.

I'm also a huge fan of the custom front bumper. Not only is it beefy, it's coated with bed liner. Not sure if I've ever seen one like that. I just happen to have a shiny new Ford "Blue Oval" emblem that will bolt right to it.

We'll find out if it's a "Deal or Dud" after a few hotshot runs. I've got a couple gooseneck trailers to look at, but I have to stay single tire and under 26,000 GVW to keep DOT legal. That kinda limits my options and time is a factor. After getting a good gooseneck, hopefully this rig will start paying for it's self pretty soon.

If any of you oilfield hands need a hotshot, give me a call!

No Matter How Bad I Screw Up

I can't out do Brian Dunkleman.

After hosting American Idol for 11 seasons, Ryan Seacrest could be forgiving for wanting to explore pastures new.

But the TV and radio presenter silenced speculation he is looking to move on after signing a reported $30million new deal to remain at Idol.

The 37-year-old confirmed he has signed a new contract for the upcoming 12th season and was looking forward to racking up his frequent flier miles as he travels around the U.S. for the auditions.

Industry sources have reported the host has signed a two year contract extension at $15million per year.
A Fox spokeswoman declined to comment on the financial aspects of his new deal...

Meanwhile, Brian Dunkleman was last heard of hosting "Sky Ball League" filmed last year in Austin. Yeah, I've never seen it either...

Scurvy Rocks!

These folks stayed at the same place I did, Barnacle Bills in Maya Beach, Belize. Not surprisingly, they loved it as much as I did and posted a YouTube slideshow.

If you are contemplating a vacation South of the border, why not consider one South of 2 borders? I'm telling you there's no place you would rather spend a week in Paradise than sitting on your own private stretch of Maya Beach at Barnacle Bill's.

Bill, Adriane & Scurvy are without a doubt the World's Greatest Hosts.

Oh, don't forget to visit Mango's! Tell 'em I sent ya! You can thank me later...

Reefer Madness

This just in... The "War on Drugs" is a failed concept. 

It's 4/20/2012 and high time to reform marijuana laws. We need to focus our efforts on actual dangerous drugs. Can you name me 1 person that has ever died from an overdose of marijuana? Most people don't realize that their opinion of marijuana was formed long before they were born by one man, Harry J. Anslinger, who lost his job when Prohibition ended and needed another Government paycheck. Holy Government mind control, Batman!

If you want an accurate and factual look at the history of marijuana in the United States you need to watch the movie "Grass". It documents the history of marijuana's vilification and subsequential prohibition in the US at the hand of one man. It's a truly great film and when viewed with an open mind it will really make you rethink our nation's (and society's) policy against wacky tabaccy. 

Personally? Treat it like alcohol, sell it in liquor stores and tax the $#!& out of it.

A 12 Year Old Girl Kicked My Ass

First off in my defense, let me just say nobody has ever nor is going to mistake me for anything remotely resembling an athlete, unless 12oz Curls is a sport. We straight on that? Moving on...

I ate dinner at Sis & Bro-Inlaw's last night and it was awesome. The marinated boneless skinless chicken breasts from Mas Meats were fantabulous and they were HUGE to boot. I highly recommend!

After supper my niece reminded me I promised her a game of basketball "next time" the last time she asked me to play. No amount of doubletalk was going to get me out of this, she's a sharp cookie and I'm too soft a touch.

It's been a good 20 years since I've even touched a basketball. But I'm 6'2" and she's 4' nothing. When I tried to explain to her it would be like Spud Webb going against Lew Alcindor, all I got was a blank stare. We played a little half court before she finally understood what I was talking about even if she didn't know who I was talking about, so we switched to playing Horse.

I should have kept my mouth shut because she was deadly. To say I got smoked would be understating just how badly I got throttled. My only saving grace was she didn't try to hustle me out of any loose cash I might have had on me. If she had I'd be selling my hair to a wig shop.

On the upside, I did get to educate her on who Lew Alcindor was (she was really confused when I told her it was Kareem and then had to explain who Kareem was) and teach her how to shoot a Skyhook. She wasn't half bad at it either. Her first shot was a perfect arc, but just inches short of a swish and bounced off the rim. A little range adjustment and some coaching and she started to get it. I have a feeling she might unleash that weapon upon some unsuspecting opponent that's never heard of Lew Alcindor or Roger Murdoch. Oh, and it called "the top of the key", not "where the bird poop is"....

Old age and treachery... Next game, I'm going to educate her on Larry Bird unless she kills me before I can get around to it. The "Why is your face funny colors?" was a dead giveaway, no pun intended.

Things That Are Dead

I know most people remember the late great Dick Clark for American Bandstand and New Year's Rockin' Eve. But my personal favorite memory of him was hosting The $25,000 Pyramid. It was a great game show that would have you on the verge of stroking out from yelling clues at the old Radiation King.

The nightime version of the show eventually jacked the prize up to an unheard of $100,000 (if you qualified for and eventually won a tournament). You just knew if you ever made it on Pyramid as a contestant and got a halfway decent celebrity, that cool $100K was easy pickins.


But with my luck I'd get Dick Cavett or William Shatner. Credit to The Shat, he was honestly pissed when he blew it and he knows a nice imported Italian nylon shirt when he sees one...

Step Back In Time

USS Intrepid is in the news lately as it prepares to become the new home to the space shuttle Enterprise. One thing that puzzles me is they will erect a tent over Enterprise. This ship was designed to slip the surly bonds of Earth strapped to solid rocket boosters and return time and time again in a fiery Mach 25 re-entry. But they have to cover it sitting on the Intrepid flight deck? To be fair, Enterprise was a prototype and never actually reached orbit. But, I digress...

One lucky reporter from Business Insider got to visit some areas below deck and off the public tour that haven't been restored. The compartments are untouched and remain just as they were in 1974 when Intrepid was decommissioned. For an old Coastie seadog, it really brought back some memories of being underway.

Check out the pictures.

Well Bless Your Heart

This pretty much sums up how my day started and it went downhill from there...

I've been looking for a 1 Ton Dualy for quite some time to use for work. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find that slightly dinged up, low mileage, cherry on the inside truck with my name on it. So today after I sent a gi-freaking-normous check to the IRS, I had a little cash left and decided to settle for less truck than I wanted. For those keeping score, this is the point in the story where everything went horribly wrong.

I found a 2006 F350 on Cars.com that was clean as a whistle inside and out, but it had more miles on it than I liked and it was a Ford when I really wanted a Dodge with a Cummins engine. But the price was exactly what I was willing to spend. I told myself, sometimes we can't get what we want, but we can get what we need. I cleaned out faithful old Cabrito, grabbed my title and headed off to Grande Prairie in search of my treasure found on the internet.

When I got there the truck was even cleaner than I expected. It needed tires, but otherwise there wasn't a scratch on it inside or out, the motor ran smooth, didn't smoke and was surprisingly zippy. The oil was fresh and coolant clean. But that 155,000 miles on the odometer kept staring me in the face. I kept telling myself "It's a diesel, they run to 300K". I test drove the fool out of it checking the 4 Wheel Drive, all the accessories and kept a close eye on the gauges. Everything was apparently up to snuff. I should have checked the fluids again after I drove it, but I didn't.

We haggled over the price a bit then haggled over the trade-in a bit and finally came to a deal. He started the paperwork and I started the Wire Transfer. Bless my heart... (You know what that translates to in Texan, right?) Money hit his account and the keys hit my hand. Done deal.

As I'm driving back planning just how I'm going to show off my new truck to Bro Inlaw (who hates Fords with a passion) I notice a funky little wrench lit up on the dash. I was only a couple miles outside Decatur and drove on and stopped at Allsups. I pulled out the owners manual and it said it was going into "Limp Mode". Not good. I hightail it to Karl Klement for a diagnostic. Mind you all the gauges are reading normal and the truck is running just fine, but I don't want to get hung in "Limp Mode".

I'm sitting in the waiting area and have pretty much convinced myself that it's something minor and probably electrical like a sensor. Couple hundred bucks tops. The Service Manager walks in and lays the bombshell on me... 

$5200 to replace the blown oil cooler, EGR cooler, head gaskets, flush and fill fluids. Until then, the truck is undrivable.

Of course I signed an "as is, no warranty" contract. I called the used car lot and got a lot of sympathy, but zero relief. They won't take the truck back and they won't pay for any repairs. I was always under the impression you had 72 hours to return a defective vehicle in Texas. I was wrong, very wrong according to the Attorney General's website (I checked). Cars are not included.

So now I'm beating the bushes for a good Ford diesel mechanic that works cheap, real cheap.

So let's review how many stupid moves I made in 1 Day:

1. Went car shopping on the internet.
2. Did not have an independent mechanic inspect the truck.
3. Signed an "as is - no warranty" contract.
4. Did not double check fluids after test drive.
5. Sent a wire transfer instead of writing a check.
6. Bought a truck from a guy with more vowels in his name than consonants.
7. Settled for something that wasn't really what I wanted in the first place.

I'm sure there's at least 3 more bonehead moves that would round it out to 10, but right now I just don't care enough to figure them out.

Can We Throw In a Complimentary Sterilization While We're At It?

Bowie mother gets 10 years for role in son's death

A young Bowie mother was sentenced to 10 years in prison Monday for failing to call authorities or seek medical help for her young son who was beaten to death by her boyfriend in 2010 in Denton County.

Sharon Worthy, 22, must serve more than two years in prison before she is eligible for parole, Denton County Assistant District Attorney Jamie Beck said in an email Monday.

Just hours before her trial was to start Monday in a Denton courtroom, Worthy pleaded guilty to a charge of injury to a child by omission, a second-degree felony, and she was sentenced to 10 years.

Had she faced a jury and been convicted, jurors could have sentenced her to a maximum of 20 years in prison. She also was eligible for probation, Beck said.

A Denton County jury convicted her boyfriend, Curtis Copeland, 28, of Sanger, in December of capital murder and sentenced him to life in prison without parole. Prosecutors did not seek the death penalty so a conviction was an automatic life sentence.

Her 3-year-old son, Jesse Fleming Fisher Jr., died from injuries to the head and brain at Cook Children's Medical Center in Fort Worth in March 2010, according to the Tarrant County medical examiner's office. His death was ruled a homicide.

Jesse suffered a broken pelvis, a broken vertebra, a head injury and bruises all over his body, according to arrest warrant affidavits released in 2010.

Child Protective Services had received a report March 9, 2010, of someone abusing Jesse, and agency officials were investigating at the time of his death.

Worthy and her children were instructed not to have any contact with Copeland because he was a convicted felon, but her neighbors saw Copeland at her Bowie apartment several times, the affidavit says.

Worthy and her two sons moved in with Copeland on March 25, 2010, at a home in the 6500 block of Private Road 6601 north of Krum in unincorporated Denton County because she told him that she needed someone to watch her children while she had a baby. Copeland is not the father of any of the children, authorities said. Jesse's father was in prison, according to the affidavit.

Copeland later told authorities that he noticed bruises on the toddler when the family moved in March 25, and that Worthy had told him that Jesse had fallen down stairs.

Under questioning by a Texas Ranger and investigators with the Denton County Sheriff's Department, Worthy said she saw Copeland shove Jesse in the back so violently March 29, 2010, that the toddler fell face-first to the floor, causing bruising and swelling, according to the affidavit. But she never called authorities, the affidavit says.

Worthy left Jesse and a then-1-year-old son, Malachi Yeley, with Copeland on March 30, 2010, while she went to a Bridgeport hospital in nearby Wise County to have the baby, authorities said.

Copeland told Denton County authorities that Jesse fainted while he was babysitting him and that he ran to have a neighbor call 911. Copeland told authorities that he found Jesse unconscious on a floor in the Denton County residence, according to the affidavit.

Worthy showed no emotion or tears for her boy when he was hooked up to life support just hours before he died, the affidavit says.

Copeland was arrested a few days after Jesse died after he failed to arrive for a polygraph test, Denton County authorities said.

Worthy's two sons are in foster care, according to CPS officials.

Read more here: http://www.star-telegram.com/2012/04/16/3887361/bowie-mother-gets-10-years-for.html#storylink=cpy

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

• Happy Emancipation Day! We get to file taxes on Tuesday instead of today! It's like a 24 hour stay of execution.
• I hate Quicken or Quicken hates me. I haven't decided which.
• I woke up with a tree limb in my eye. Well, it feels like a tree limb anyway. 1/2 a bottle of lubricating tears and it's still in there!
• Ever since I had LASIK I can't see anything up close with out reading glasses. Ever try to look for something in your eye in the mirror while wearing glasses? It doesn't work.
• We didn't go to Texas Motor Speedway this time (and from the look of the crowd, we weren't the only ones). First NASCAR race I've missed since the track opened, but they pissed me off last time and the only way to get their attention is with your checkbook (or lack thereof).
• TMS, change that Golf Cart policy and we'll be back (with our checkbooks).
• I'm pretty sure this is a Bois d'Arc tree growing under my eyelid. More eyedrops, STAT!
• The final episode of Eastbound and Down had an unexpected ending. RIP Kenny Powers... or not?
• Very funny column by P.J. O'Rourke in The Wall Street Journal.
• The "new" season of Top Gear starts tonight on BBC America. 

The Layover

11 Felonies in a 9 Hour Bus Layover
When you stop watching DirecTv you start riding the bus...

Don't stop watching DirecTv..

This is definitely not what Anthony Bourdain had in mind. Well, maybe 20 years ago...

It's Hitchcockian

Excellent episode of SNL tonight with Josh Brolin hosting. They even got Stephen Spielberg to direct the latest episode of Laser Cats, "Laser Cats 7". I missed the opening due to NASCAR (more on that later), but so far this one looks like a winner...

Let's Be Careful Out There

I know some of our seniors still wanna make the beast with two backs, but it's been 45 years since the Summer of Love. The rules have changed. Slap on a Jimmy hat.

No glove, no love!

How Did I NOT Know This?

"There is no way, no way, that you could come from my loins. 

Soon as I get home, the first thing I'm gonna do is punch your momma in the mouth."

Buford T. Justice was from Montague County! 

I suddenly wonder just what else has escaped me over the years?

How Hard Could It Possibly Be?

Blowing up a balloon and popping it was the specific task set out for entrants in this year's Rube Goldberg Machine Contest at Purdue.


The Purdue Society of Professional Engineers team smashed its own world record for largest Rube Goldberg machine with a 300-step behemoth that flawlessly accomplished the simple task of blowing up and popping a balloon - setting the new world record for the Largest functional Rube Goldberg machine, according to World Records Academy.

The only thing missing was Raymond Scott's "Powerhouse" playing in the background.


You may recognize that tune from...

Happy Easter

Or as one of my favorite bloggers/resort owners would say "Happy Zombie Jesus Day"!

Altho I'm not what anyone would ever mistake for a religious person, even tho I am an ordained Minister in 2 religions, I've always felt a connection with Easter. It was one of the few times a year I would dare enter a "house of God" without fear or guilt. Those lighting bolts are freaky accurate and I don't see the point in narrowing the target area to start with.

My birthday has a habit of falling near Easter and on occasion it coincides exactly. Such was the case when I was 3 or 4, I really can't remember. What I do remember is that the first time it happened was at my Granny Annie's house in Jacksboro (that for some reason scared the crap out of me), I was surrounded by people I didn't know (Mom's side of the family and friends that I never saw) and I had had huge rabbit cake that said "Hoppy Birthday".

I think I had a good time, but all I can remember is the cake and being freaked out by not knowing anyone at my birthday party. I was kinda hyper as a kid anyway and this was long before ADD meds. Since then I really haven't give a crap about Birthdays.

The few times I've ever been to church were Christmas and Easter. To be completely honest, I couldn't tell you why. Peer pressure, maybe?  Who knows.

I do know I have a clearer conscience about Easter than anyone that works for Mars, Hershey or Nestle.

Over. The. Hill.

Hey, if you knew everything I went thru to wind up looking like this at my age, you would be impressed. In Las Vegas, casinos just lost a bundle on the Over/Under. Unfortunately, I had big money on the Under. Technically that's considered a push.

The miles I've traveled and the things I've seen/done over the years... Sitting in Granddad's lap driving the old Farmall tractor. Turning the TV antennae to watch a blacked out Cowboys game. The first color TV I ever saw. Listening to an AM DJ while driving thru the middle of Wyoming that had barricaded himself in the studio and was playing Pink Floyd followed by Bob Wills followed by Led Zepplin followed by Marty Robbins. Meeting Bob Wills. Riding on a Wein Air Alaska flight while the pilot played Peg O' My Heart on harmonica over the PA and rocked the wings in time. Chopping down an oak tree with a Shelby Charger. (I don't recommend that last one, btw.) Driving an overloaded 18wheeler down Wolf Creek Pass for the first time. Duck and cover. Apollo 11. Chicken Man (He's everywhere! He's everywhere!). Icky Twerp. Captain Kangaroo. Mr.Peppermint. Riding my Honda on "The Ponderosa" in Bridgeport. Pong. Ringside seats at The Sportatorium to see Fritz Von Erich vs Blackjack Mulligan. Hippies. David Clyde. Laugh In. LaBella & Rody...

What a long strange trip it's been. Trust me, I'm leaving out all the juicy stuff.

And to all you kids out there, screw you! I saw all the good bands live!

South40Vision: Motorsports Edition

One of the forums I hang out on had a 0-60 video thread. I held out as long as I could, but seriously...
Not bad for a 6banger.

Pardon the crappy video, the sunglare was killer.

Missed It By THAT Much

There was a very good looking female customer I was attracted to where I used to work. We hit it off well, too. I was pretty sure the feeling was mutual but I didn't approach her because a) she was wearing a wedding ring and b) she was a customer.

Now, I no longer work there and have lost contact with her. Today while talking to a former co-worker I found out a)she's recently divorced, but b)has already hooked up with someone new. And yeah, c)the feeling WAS mutual.

Story of my life...

I Gotta Get One Of These!

Unfortunately there's only 1.

More info.

It's "Take Your Wife To Work Day" at Daytona International

                    

Hey Baby, let's do a couple hot laps. It'll be fun!

Unfortunately for Rolex Sports Car Series driver Joao Barbosa, he failed to get a pre-nup.